Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who