I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.