I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
