I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.