the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?