i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The feeling are messing with the penis
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.