we have officially lost it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
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Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping