i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
