He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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