Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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