I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
