You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
