I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize