I can tuck mytits in my pants
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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