i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
