You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
