I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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