What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
