Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
