The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
