so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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