Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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