do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
