haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
