Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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