I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she smelled like a LAN party
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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