I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
