don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
