I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
