so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
