I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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