...so i touched it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
