Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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