I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
