Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
