I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
