There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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