whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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