dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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