I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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