she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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