Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
