Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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