So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
