Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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