It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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