I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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