I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
