i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
