I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
