I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
