I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
