he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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