If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!