4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
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watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage