He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.