wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is this like a preordered booty call?