Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
