the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
