we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
