Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
