Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
