May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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