you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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