I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
