and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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