He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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