You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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