census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
