Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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