Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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