I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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