Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
