I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
