have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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