I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
