Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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