i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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