You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
