i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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