She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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