We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
