How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
