Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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