Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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