Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
