I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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