Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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